Dear Friend,

Congratulations to you and the miz’ on your very attractively swaddled bundle of vocal cords and bowl movements. Having been through what the two of you are experiencing twice in my life I, while admitting to a modicum of envy for the great journey you are beginning, also send to you, via whatever universal spiritual communication network may exist out there in the ether which connects us parents, all the strength and patience that you will undoubtedly need. And yes, I have heard that nonsense about catching up on sleep over the next 30 years from well-meaning friends as well. Why nobody thought to tell us that the sleep deprivation would last for every single one of those 30 years, I’ll never know. It continues for at least six years. That’s all I can vouch for but that, at least, I can virtually guarantee. Six. Long. Years.

One more parting word of advice: If you tell a two year old that they have to wait until they are six to get a dog, they will remember that. They will likely mention it every single day for the next four years. So don’t ever tell your kid anything that you don’t want them taking as gospel and please, for the love of whatever you hold holy and dear, don’t ever take your child for anything but the sponge that they are. They never forget. Unless of course it has something to do with picking up toys. That, my friend, is the realm of powers dark and malevolent.

Thus ends my fatherly advice. Again, congratulations. Good luck. Have fun!

Oh, and here’s mine:

Categories: Opportunities